Shades of Grey
by FiresofAnarchy
Summary: A collection of one shots featuring various characters from the Star Wars sequel trilogy.
1. This Thing Of Ours

**Shades of Grey**

 **This Thing of Ours**

 **So I'm not sure how this turned out. I'm not usually one for so little dialogue but for the first chapter in this fic I figured that I'd try something more introspective. I was listening to Give You What You Like by Avril Lavigne while writing this which I think goes really well with the darker side of their relationship. This particular chapter didn't get too dark in of itself but the point remains. Anyways I hope you like it and we'll see where I go from here with future one shots.**

* * *

The first time it happened she had been surprised by the gentleness of the whole thing. This was Kylo Ren, apprentice of Supreme Leader Snoke and feared Knight of Ren, and she was the Jedi knight who had only made his life a living hell since they met, even before she was formally trained by Luke Skywalker. He had committed countless atrocities across the galaxy in Snoke's name and she had personally watched him strike down his own father. Conventional wisdom would probably tell her that she was crazy for even being so close to him, but things between them had never been conventional.

This time it was apparent just from the look in his eyes as they met her own from across the battlefield that they were thinking the same thing. They stared at each other for a good ten minutes before he started advancing towards her, his movements so quick and deliberate that he almost seemed inhuman in that moment. Before she even had time to fully compose herself he was on her with his weapon drawn. She ignited hers to meet his and as their dueling columns of blue and red light clashed in the practiced dance that they had perfected over the years the entire rest of the battlefield fell away and it was only them. The rank and file troops on the ground around them would only see two enemies throwing strike after strike at each other in a battle that could possibly end in one of their deaths, but they both knew the truth; there wasn't even a remote sense of danger in their encounters anymore.

Now, as they made their way slowly towards a half destroyed structure that would provide them with the proper privacy, she only felt anticipation for what would happen next. This time there was no surprise as she found herself pressed against a wall with his hands and mouth all over her body. This time there was no fear about letting Kylo Ren this close to her without proper means to defend herself. Because now she knew Ben Solo and Ben Solo would never hurt her. Now she looked forward to his gentleness as they made the best of the makeshift situation that sex in the middle of a raging battle offered two people who were supposed to be sworn enemies.

They had to be quick, if they took too long there was no doubt in either of their minds that their troops would come looking for them and neither relished in the possibility of getting caught. She wondered sometimes what the others would say if they ever found out about their little trysts. Snoke would probably either lable him a traitor and order him executed or attempt to work the situation to his own advantage; in his own mind of delusions he still thought that he could one day have them both under his thumb. The rest of his comrades in the First Order would probably do much the same if for no other reason than to save their own skins.

Finn and Poe would probably look at her like they didn't recognize her, betrayal written all over their faces. She didn't want to hurt them but this was her life and she wasn't going to be held back from doing what she wanted because of their own inability to understand. Luke and the rest of the old guard from the initial war against the empire were hard to read at times and even after years of being under their command and enjoying their friendship she wasn't sure about their feelings most of the time. They probably wouldn't approve but beyond that she couldn't be certain. This was why they had so carefully crafted the dance that they had on the battlefield with their light sabers, so no one else would suspect a thing.

If they were ever discovered there were the inevitable questions that would be asked. Was it just sex? Was he using some sort of mind trick to take advantage of her? The short answer was no on both counts, but she knew that no one would ever leave it at just that. But where do you start with a relationship as complicated as theirs. The tension had been there since the first time they met. They both had similar feelings of fear, self loathing, and loneliness that the others wouldn't be able to understand even just looking at them separately. Finn and Poe tried in that friendly way that they went about everything and maybe to an extent she could give it to them that they did understand in their own way because of their own experiences, but they never truly got it. Of course Luke had similar issues and often tried to talk about them to her in that way that teachers always do, imparting wisdom and their own experiences on the younger generation without ever actually helping. Ben's situation was even worse and she loathed to think about him talking about his problems with General Hux, Captain Phasma, or Snoke himself.

While neither of them were particularly good with words they understood each other better than anyone else ever could. At first they rarely talked at all and instead spoke with their actions. Words were so easily muddled between two broken individuals such as themselves and could easily get lost behind the masks that each of them put up. No, they didn't do words, they did actions and it's often said that actions speak louder than words anyways so they must have been doing something right.

It makes it all the more special now when he says, "I love you Rey," as he turns to grab his cloak from the ground.

"I love you too Ben Solo," she returns with a smile. "So much."

"Stay safe," he says before he moves to give her one final kiss goodbye.

"The same goes for you," she says as she watches him leave.

No, this thing that they had wasn't conventional. Most of their friends and comrades probably wouldn't understand it. But this thing was theirs and in the end their opinions were the only ones that mattered.

* * *

 **On a side note I'd just like to say that I'm not really a Finn/Poe shipper so don't expect to see them popping up all over this fic unless the narrative and inspiration take me in that direction.**


	2. The Difference

**Shades of Grey**

 **The Difference**

 **Another chapter of introspection that I didn't entirely intend to write and yet here we are. I promise we'll get to something with more of a plot at some point but this wouldn't leave me alone so here it is. I was listening to Jaded by Aerosmith and Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance while writing this, both of which I think describe Kylo Ren/Ben Solo pretty well. I hope you like it.**

* * *

Lust, he had felt lust towards her almost immediately. She was attractive, especially compared to all of the uptight and formal women that made up the ranks of the Order; she had this wild yet controlled appearance that set her apart. He supposed that that wild yet controlled nature extended to her personality as well. He was admittedly very controlling and hated when people challenged him, but the way she did it was different from all of the plebeians that surrounded him on a daily basis; she was actually an exciting challenge rather than being just a hindrance. And he figured he would be hard pressed to find someone who that accent didn't send shivers down the spine of, whether that shiver be from fear or desire.

Lust was easy, he could do lust; under all of the pent up anger and frustration he was just a man after all. His feelings for her only grew after she escaped from his grasp and again after she bested him in combat. It was part of the reason he had asked her to join him along with the benefits that having another force user in the Order would bring. If he could have her in that way then it would only be an inevitability before he could have her in other ways as well. She may be strong, and he respected that, but in the end he was stronger; at least that's what he kept telling himself.

It all started to change and become fuzzier when he killed his father; he supposed that a lot of things got fuzzier around that moment. Growing up Ben Solo hadn't known much of the feeling of love whether it be loving someone or being loved. His parents were always either too afraid of his abilities, in his father's case, or too sure of their faith in the ways of the Jedi to be able to turn everything in his life around, in his mother's case, that they rarely actually cared about his thoughts or feelings. Uncle Luke had tried his best, he'd give him that, but he wasn't the best with feelings and in the end it just wasn't enough. But there, on that bridge, his father had reached out to him, had actually tried. It was the first time in his life that he had ever felt love of any kind, but it still hadn't been enough to stop him from doing the unthinkable and striking his father down where he stood.

That's when it had happened, he looked up from where his father had previously stood to see her face. Her face, still so beautiful, but with a tinge of hatred that he hadn't even seen when he had been her captor and eventual torturer. That was the moment he knew, he had seen that look or one similar to it on hundreds of individuals before and even collectively from entire villages, but it had never bothered him before. For some reason it seemed that her opinion of him mattered more to him than that of most people and he hadn't been entirely sure what to do with that information at the time.

He had figured it out over the course of the next few months as he went about the motions of being Snoke's apprentice and the Order's enforcer. Her face hadn't just been conveying pure hatred in that moment, there had been something else there as well. Muddled by all of the pure hatred had been a slight deflating of hope and a surge of disappointment, disappointment in him; the realization that he had let her down in some way hit him like a ton of bricks. His father had believed in him on that bridge and Rey, for some reason he couldn't comprehend, had believed in him in her own way and he had let them both down by igniting that lightsaber and striking his father down.

This woman who barely knew him had actually believed in him, it was a strange feeling; he found himself unsure of how to react to such kindness. No one in his entire life had so blindly believed that he was a good person before, that he would make the right decision in the end. He knew that he had ultimately failed her in that respect by doing what he did and giving into his hatred, but he was slowly beginning to realize that he didn't want to betray that kind of pure belief. He began looking at his current situation in the Order in a completely different light. He had turned to Snoke, the Order, and the Dark Side in general because he thought that it would give him a place to belong, a place where people actually cared about him. He had thought that it had fulfilled all of that, and maybe it had at first, but now he could see how Snoke was only using him for his own gain and didn't actually care about him, the other members of the order were scared of him because of his power but didn't actually respect or accept him, and there was still no love to be found, just more hatred.

If Snoke ever suspected that he was slipping away from him he never said anything, probably just another one of his calculations of odds and strategy that deemed that letting him continue his path back towards the Light would be better than open opposition. He didn't much care what Snoke thought anymore, he had made his decision, and as he piloted himself towards the Resistance base where he knew he would find both Rey and ultimately his mother and Uncle Luke as well he found that he was tired of running away from his problems.

He turned himself in to Resistance soldiers who were probably eager to try and figure out who could come up with the cruelest method of punishment for the Order's feared enforcer but a few words from his mother had stopped them fast. He was marched to a holding cell that didn't contain much outside of a bed and four walls while they debated on what to do with him; it was cramped and boring but it beat out execution and was more than he deserved so he bore it. The days dragged on into weeks before another soul bothered to visit him aside from fulfilling his basic needs for food and water. He was both surprised and unsurprised that his first visitor turned out to be Rey.

"Why did you do it," she said.

"What," he said confused because that could mean any number of things.

"Come back," she clarified. "Especially after your father."

"You," was all he said.

"Me," she said confused.

"You," he repeated. "I figured that if someone who barely knew me believed in me so much then I had no excuse to not believe in myself."

"I'm glad," she said. "The Dark Side has corrupted too many otherwise good people to the point of no return by preying on their basest weaknesses."

"Wow," he said unable to help himself. "You really are a Jedi now."

"It's true," she said with a sigh.

"That it is," he said.

"It will be hard," she said. "But if you really want to do this then I'm with you."

"Thank you," he said. "Your kindness is more than I deserve."

"Everyone deserves kindness," she said.

With that she left. It was in that moment after he let her words truly sink in that he realized that what he felt for her was no longer lust at all, but that somewhere along the lines it had morphed into admiration and the very faintest beginnings of love. Because love had been exactly what she had shown him before he even understood the concept of what love was. Love was more than just wanting someone because of their physical attributes or mental acuity. Love was wanting someone to be the best them that they could be and then being the best you that you could be to further reinforce that version of them. Love was wanting to drown yourself in someone else's being just because they were so radiant to you that you just kept craving more. Love was seeing through someone's flaws no matter how big or small, finding the person behind it all, and pulling them back from the brink. Love was what she had shown him and love was what he hoped to show her in the future. He hadn't earned her love, didn't deserve it, but he was damned if he was going to let it slip away.


	3. Phoenix

**Shades of Grey**

 **Phoenix**

 **First things first, I went to see Rogue One last Saturday and while it was weighed down by a lack of background information about the characters and a streamlined plot I still think I liked it more than Force Awakens. At least they didn't go the whole crappy forced romance route. Ever since Carrie Fisher died I've been feeling particularly inspired to write something Star Wars so here it is. I was listening to Rebel Beat by the Goo Goo Dolls while writing this.**

* * *

The man formerly known as Kylo Ren felt a smile tug at his face as he watched the X Wing squadron before him running through what were probably basic training maneuvers, or more specifically one X Wing in particular.

"You're sure she's ready to be out there on her own," he heard Rey ask from her position a few feet behind him.

"Look at who her family is," he said fondly. "The force is with her."

"Besides, Dameron knows what I'd do to him if he sent her up there unprepared and something happened," he added a bit more ominously.

"You really shouldn't say things like that," Rey chastised. "People will start to get the wrong impression."

"People will always have the wrong impression," he said bringing his hand up to shield his eyes from the sun as the spacecraft made another run overhead. "Better they get it because of something I've said than random rumors they heard floating around the rumor mill."

"Fine," she said with a huff. "But if he winds up dead I'll be forced to tell the proper authorities everything I know about threats you made against his life."

"Of course," he said with a nod.

"And don't think for a moment I won't hunt you down myself," she said moving up to stand beside him.

"Wouldn't want it any other way," he said with another smile.

They stood in a comfortable silence for a while as the craft made pass after pass overhead doing various maneuvers that looked like they were becoming increasingly more complex as the time went on.

"You should have seen her face earlier when Dameron told her she could go up with the squadron," he said breaking the silence.

"She's only been talking about it since she could form words," Rey said with a smile of her own. "I can imagine."

"I wish your parents could have been here to see this," she added after a brief pause.

"Me too," he said with a downcast look. "I wish Ashe could have met them."

"They're with her though," Rey said. "With all of us."

"Always," he said not bothering to look up again until he heard the sounds of X Wings overhead.

The truth was that he still couldn't shake himself from the guilt he felt at killing his father. It had been a foolish thing done in the heat of the moment by a pouty child he hoped that he was far away from now. He had come a long way since then, much of it because of Rey, but the anger and everything else he felt back then always seemed like it was just under the surface ready to come back into the limelight. He wouldn't let it overcome him again if it was the last thing he did.

His mother's death had been something else entirely. One moment she was there handing out orders and giving him stern looks just as vibrant as ever and the next she was falling to the ground and not breathing. The medical teams worked tirelessly to bring her back but in the end there were things that even the best medical minds the Alliance had to offer couldn't fix. All of a sudden she was just dead, not too long after his father, and he still wasn't sure if he was completely at terms with that fact. Snuffed out like a candle when she still had so much more left to offer.

"It still troubles you," Rey said, seemingly reading his mind like usual.

"Yes," was all he had to offer at that.

A comforting hand on his back was the only conversation they needed after that as they both watched the X Wings do maneuver after maneuver until, finally, the squadron came in to land. He and Rey made their way over to the landing area to greet the newly minted pilot that was their daughter. It wasn't long before they caught sight of a wisp of blond hair that was unmistakably hers, unsurprisingly glued to Poe Dameron's side like usual.

"She's a natural up there," Poe spoke first. "Top of the class for sure and I'm not just saying that because I'm the proud uncle."

"Was there every any doubt," Ashe spoke up in her usual, confident fashion. "One day I might even be able to give Uncle Luke a run for his money."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves there kiddo," Poe said patting her on the top of the head. "Hopefully you won't be flying into the middle of any Death Stars for the foreseeable future."

"The Empire and its remnants always have another trick up their sleeves," Kylo said. "We must never let our guards down Mr. Dameron or have you been teaching my daughter not to be fully prepared at all times."

"I'm sure Poe was just being hopeful Ben," Rey said in an annoyed tone.

"Yeah what she said," Poe said rubbing his neck nervously.

"Don't worry Dad," Ashe said breaking the tension that had settled as Kylo continued to cast a glare in Poe's direction. "I'm ready for anything."

"I know you are," Kylo said. "Your abilities were never the ones in doubt."

"Ok let's just go see if Finn has the helmet done," Rey broke the tension this time.

"Before someone says something else they're going to regret," she added leveling a glare at Kylo before turning on her heel, not bothering to ask them to follow.

Spending time with Finn was only slightly better than spending time with Poe in Kylo's opinion, but he did his best to reign himself in this time, for Rey's sake. Finn, in what came as a complete surprise to him when he offered, was a budding artist and had wanted to paint a custom design onto Ashe's flight helmet for after she finally made it through training. The final design was a little less complex than he had been imagining in his head when they told him about the whole thing, the golden image of a strange bird he had never seen before was etched into a mostly red background.

"They're called Phoenixes," Finn explained to them when he saw their puzzled expressions. "Some old myth about a bird rising from the ashes after it died, born again as something new."

Kylo couldn't help but let a smile appear on his face at that, though he rarely did so in the company of Poe or Finn. That's what his family was doing wasn't it, what it had always done, rising from whatever ashes had plagued it beforehand and becoming something better to save the galaxy from whatever threats it faced. His parents may be gone and he may be slowly getting up there in years but everything was going to work out fine for his family in the end.

"I love it," Ashe said pulling the headwear away from Finn's grasp and trying it on.

"I knew you would," Finn said with a smile.

Ashe, his daughter, his pilot, his little Phoenix. The future was looking bright with her protecting it.

* * *

 **So there is a bird called a Phoenix in a Star Wars story, according to the wiki, but as far as I can tell it isn't a Phoenix like we think of them. Who's to say there isn't a Phoenix myth floating around Star Wars though. Happy New Year everyone, let's all try to enjoy the time we have while we can because we don't know when our time may run out. On a side note Ashe is one of the prettiest names out there in my opinion and she's the only character I've ever played as in League of Legends so make of that what you will. This fic is now posted on Archive of Our Own.**


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